I give myself permission to balance..

Sadly, last week I was struck down by the office bug.  Why should that matter?  Well what was so sad was that despite having all the tools at hand to help myself recover quickly, I did nothing.  Absolutely nothing...

I wallowed, I even dragged my daughter out of bed to help me with the chooks at 6:30 in the morning, cancelled the Rhubarb delivery and crept back into bed and felt sorry for myself.  I spent the day in bed and then had a nice hot bath in the afternoon with Epsom salts.  The most I did to help myself was dose up on Vitamin C (about 10,000 mgs).  By the next day I felt better and was up and about again and reflecting on my unwillingness to tap (EFT or BodyTalk techniques) to help myself recover the second I felt something coming on (which was about 3-4 days prior) and it was then that I discovered the reason.

I needed a reason to take a day off!  Unbelievable!  So fiercely independent I am, running my business, running the farmlet, working at the Uni and it seems I forgot the one thing I preach the most - balance!  What is life for if you don't have balance.  How ridiculous life can be if you don't feel you can have a day off just to do the things you love.   I could have spent the day in bed enjoying reading my book and have a nice long bath just for the enjoyment of it.  I don't need to get sick to do that.

So chose to have time for yourself, write down all the things you love doing and incorporate it into your life, whether you give yourself an hour, afternoon or whole day - it's about balance.  Making life worth living and not just living a life.

The things I love to do

• Read books - inspirational, spiritual and thrillers
• Taking long baths (with my book)
• Sleeping in  (to at least 8:30)
• Cooking for pleasure (and not for need)
• Gardening (planting is my favourite)
• Walking the country lanes
• Singing my heart out in the car/garden listening to my iphone/ipod
• Decorating the house
• Creating - anything (last thing was an incubator)
• Going to the movies with my girl/man
• Having coffee with a friend
• Skyping my girlfriends in Canberra
• Drawing
• Walking Meditations
• Looking for beauty in every glance

Self Health - When Nothing Else Works

If you think of what is truly important to you in all areas of your life - the people, the experiences and even the material things you love having around you, all of these things that you value and provide you with happiness can be impacted by one thing - your health.

If you’re unwell, finding happiness in the moment is near impossible and just making it through the day can be challenging. Nowadays, health is more than just a physical condition, it’s mental and spiritual. Physics and psychological research has recognised that mental health is essential to physical health, because if the unconscious mind is working so hard dealing with the mental challenges, then the running of the ship (the body) comes in second at best.

However, health seems to be the one area we, as a modern society, seem to be struggling with the most. We rely upon the advice of doctors, nutrition experts and governments as to what is right for us in the area of our mental and physical health and yet, that advice seems to change or is contradicted almost weekly! This indicates that we still don’t know what’s right for us, why it’s going wrong and we don’t know how to change it.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is the guide by which psychologists and psychiatrists determine what mental issue a person has. This guide alone has grown exponentially over the last 30 years, as have the pharmaceutical options for treatments. The DSM has gone from having just four known mental conditions to over 400, all provided with an over-the- counter drug solution. However, there are many cases where the pharmaceutical option has caused more problems with side effects or worse - death.

The modern western medical model has provided us with great improvements and a longer life, however it too, is to be questioned as it has almost enslaved us by our expectations that it can fix it all. Many doctors now are so afraid of getting a diagnosis wrong they are submitting their patients to expensive, extensive, invasive tests which can also cause complications and long term issues.

In addition to this, our modern way of living has increased obesity, heart disease, diabetes and autism. Prostrate and breast cancer seem to be thriving and as yet, we haven’t see the government or medical model provide any answers to the causes of the disease. Is it what we’re eating? Is it the chemicals we spray on our food? Genetic modification? Vaccinations? Or is it what we are feeding the animals that end up on our table? Is finding the causes of our diseases too hard because it would create a problem in the industry that is causing the problem? Why is the government and medical science only looking for solutions to the symptoms and not hunting down the cause?

This sounds really scary, doesn’t it! What is really scary is how reliant we are on the modern medical system, with the over-the-counter drugs and doctor and surgery treatment options. You may have even ventured into alternative health solutions. However, unless that solution is looking beyond treatment of the symptoms then we are really just looking at band-aid solutions, as the causes are never found that way. Ask any doctor the question “why have I got this?” and they can’t answer that. They don’t know why, they are only trained to treat the symptoms.

 

There is another option, but it involves something that most people have forgotten or have never had the thought or option to do and that is to take full responsibility for their own health – mental and physical and stop giving your power away to another person.  You may even be questioning if that is even possible! Yes it is.

Am I telling you not to go to the doctor or hospital if you are ill? No, I am not. I do believe in the value of a good medical system and if you are sick then they can help you overcome the symptoms, but they can’t tell you why your body failed you. Each person is unique, there is no one size fits all system and the medical model is run by humans, which implies that it cannot be perfect. What you need to do is to work with the system but not surrender yourself to it (see the case example below). 

 

You can start by addressing your physical health, but unless you also address your mental health then you are really just working on a band-aid solution. Get yourself sorted out mentally and the body will follow and improve. There is research that shows that our disease and physical issues are linked to our emotions and past traumas. Just think about how your body feels on a bad day, or if you are stressed, how your body tenses up and often headaches occur. So let’s start there.

Mental health is more than just taking a mental health day here and there. It’s a change of your mental approach to life, even under the most extreme circumstances. If you are prone to stress, anxiety, depression or mood swings then the chances are that you have had experiences in life that have taught you how to react in situations and those lessons have not been helpful.

Up to the age of six, we are like little mental sponges and we learn our beliefs and values by watching those around us and by our negative experiences. So if you have a belief as an adult that you’re not good enough and constantly have to perform to a perfect standard, which causes you to be stressed out, self-judgemental and anxious, then it’s highly likely you have learnt this belief from an incident in early childhood and it’s been repeated over your life-time. The result of negative belief systems can impact your mental and physical health. Your reaction to life can create stress which turns on the reptilian part of your brain’s fight, flight and freeze response and thus causes the other bodily functions (such as digestion, immune functions and hormone functioning) to take a back seat. If you look around you, how many people do you know who get stressed out easily and are constantly sick or have allergies, intolerances or other health problems? Stress is a killer. Stress is caused by our cognitive approach to the experiences in our life and can be experienced even in the womb (babies react to their mother’s stress).

Our unconscious mind is similar to a filing system, everything is stored away in it and we constantly refer to these files to determine how we react to every situation. You are programmed to respond automatically, which allows your brain to concentrate on your bodily functions. Can you change this? Yes, you can. There are simple techniques that can be used to help you reprogram how you respond and these techniques can be done by you. Some of these you already know, others you have yet to learn, but they are all available to you here, now. 

• Exercise – it’s a fact that regular exercise helps reduce stress and create happy hormones in the body.
• Meditation – very good for relaxation and helping the body switch out of stress reaction. It requires regular application to be effective.
• Mindfulness – helps us recognize how and why we mis-take the actuality of things for some story we create, and then makes it possible to chart a path toward greater sanity, well-being, and purpose.
• Energy Psychology – is a combination of techniques which treat and relieve suffering from emotional challenges such as addictions & compulsions, anxiety, depression, limiting beliefs, personality disorders, phobias, stress, and trauma and also help maximize human performance in business, sports and the arts. One of the simple techniques is Meridian tapping which is simple to learn and to apply and a fantastic Self Help technique.
• BodyTalk Access – Developed by an Australian Dr John Veltiem and now supported by the International BodyTalk Association to be taught in developing countries to anyone where medical assistant and medicine is not readily available – 5 simple wellness techniques which help the body to invoke natural powerful immune responses for illness, allergies, intolerances, toxins and fungal conditions, restore the body’s natural tension and integrity between the muscles, tendons, ligaments and connective tissue and therefore reduce physical pain, balance the cortices of the brain allowing for more focus and mental response and lastly, to switch off the stress response in the brain and calm yourself down.

Now if you are prepared to take control of your emotional health by employing one of the above methods, then you will naturally start taking control of your physical health and seek more balance diet, drink less and stop sabotaging your exercise regime.

So now you know what you could do the next step is to find out how to do it. The first step is to find someone who can teach you how and then apply it for yourself. This can be done through the internet (EFT is freely available on the internet to learn) or you can attend a workshop locally that provides you with the ability to learn with others and experience the technique in an environment where you can ask questions and explore. Regular workshops for Meridian Tapping, meditation, mindfulness, stress reduction and BodyTalk Access are available in Coffs Harbour through the Mind and Body Institute (http://www.mindandbodyinstitute.com.au/Workshops.html – 1300 646 326) or Pam’s Studio (http://www.pamelamillican.com.au/ - 0423 214 320).

For more information about these techniques you can also attend free information evenings at the Coffs Harbour Cavanbah Centre (corner of Harbour Drive and Earl Street) 6-7pm on the following dates:

• Monday 19 July 2010
• Monday 16 August 2010
• Monday 13 September 2010
• Monday 8 October 2010
• Monday 11 November 2010

During these free information evenings you’ll be able to experience Meridian tapping and one of the BodyTalk Access techniques as well as finding out about available workshops for meditation, mindfulness, meridian tapping and BodyTalk Access.

Case Example – Taking control of your cancer
A great example of taking control is Christine who was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 48. After her initial shock and panic, she did her research, and discussed her treatment with her Oncologist. She told him she was happy to have the lump removed but not have any chemotherapy or radiation treatment as she knew they would greatly affect her quality of life. He agreed to that, based on the cancer not spreading to her lymph nodes. In fact, the cancer was found in two out of the three lymph nodes they removed for testing. However, again, Christine had done her research and could show him data from scientific journals that say that the maximum her life would be extended was 8.6% (maybe less) by radiation and at most 5% by chemotherapy - in fact the Oncologist said that overall chemotherapy only helps about 30% of patients, the rest get no benefit. He also agreed to her request for no mammograms or any other forms of ionising radiation, since they could increase a person’s risk of breast cancer (she showed him some scientific evidence to back this up). The treatment approach she put forward was to lose weight, walk 6-7kms per day, take a natural anti-oestrogen reducing supplement, avoid all plastics, eat organic food and take vitamin and herbal supplements. She of course, had the evidence to show him that this would help reduce the risk of the cancer returning. The Oncologist agreed to check her progress every 3 months and to have thermal imaging done (no radiation). So essentially, all Christine had done was to have the lump and 3 lymph nodes taken out (with a 78% chance that they got it all) and take full control of her health. She’s now getting on with her life and doing well.

A New Decade... Will it bring you peace & joy?

A New Decade, Will it Bring You Peace & Joy?
At this time of year many people decide that this year will be different! This year they will make a change and for once and for all get off that treadmill! Then they make a goal, a date to start and throw themselves in to it or find reasons why they can't start this week. For those that throw themselves in at the deep end, only a few will make it to the other end. For those who don't, then the treadmill appears again, they revert to previous behaviour, they beat themselves up, they let down their family, friends and themselves and they get nowhere. Why does this happen!

A combination of factors keeps us on our treadmills but for the most part it's our pre-programming. For every experience from the mundane, to family and social upsets and to the extreme trauma's that occur in our lives, our unconscious mind looks at our previous experiences and determines how we react based on what we've done before (hence the concept of programming).

OK so here's an easy example. Sue wants to lose weight... her unconscious mind reacts to that thought by search for what happened the last time (or few) when she tried? Previously Sue lost some weight and everyone noticed and gave her lots of comments, she was really noticed. However, after a while, Sue found that it was really kind of annoying because they didn't say nice things to her before and she knows that there’s more to her than her looks! Then Sue went through some work stress and the weight crept back on again and she started to feel bad about myself again... and the comments stopped and she felt ashamed... thinking why can't I just keep it off!

Know anyone who's done this? Or stopped smoking only to start it up again a few months later? Or said that this year they were going to change their job because they hated the one they were in and yet didn’t do anything about it?
Your unconscious mind saw that it didn't work last time, or the time before and it wasn't much fun when you did, or it felt too unsafe to make the change permanent and therefore it uses the same program again or it tries to sabotage you from starting so that each effort has to be greater and bigger than the last time you tried.


Then when you combine the devastating physical effects of being stressed, you set yourself up for failure and worse... illness or dis-ease.  If you want to know what stress can do to you, just watch this excert from David Marc, an expert in the psychology of eating, as he talks about the important role stress plays in digestion and how it can stop you from loosing weight.



On the other side of the coin, many people can remember a time when they did identify a new goal, one that they have never thought of before and it happened relatively easily. That's because their unconscious mind hasn't had a negative program to use before and most likely they truly did believe they could do it and so did it. However, the older you become, the harder it seems to launch into a goal and achieve it as we have a lot more experiences to prove to ourselves that we aren’t worthy, or failed before or are not clever, strong or have enough will power and so forth. We’ve been running these programs for years and we didn’t even know it!

So how do you re-program yourself when your programs are not working for you? Our minds use our five senses and are largely visual and auditory when we store our programs. What we need to do is reprogram our negative associations by searching and finding the memory (the one that set up the program in the first place) and release the trauma that we are still holding on to. Then the next step is to give it a new positive program instead. That way when your unconscious mind goes to look for the program it has one that is more empowering for you. It could also mean that many memories need to be resolved before the program is released. The process we use at the Coffs Body and Mind Connection is called Matrix Re-Imprinting and it is very gentle and relaxing. It can be done over the phone or face to face and can be used on one or a string of memories to release the old patterns and make way for the new ones. The new patterns can then be laid in through hypnosis and time line therapy and the outcome is a transformation of your future. Contact us today to rewrite your past and transform your future.

What went wrong?

I'm absolutely enthralled at the moment with the idea that with modernisation and science, we've lost so much and put our earth, health and future at risk.  The information that I have read and watched over the last week has been enlightening to say the least.

First one is the new book by Dan Brown - the Lost Symbol.  Now, I do love Dan Brown's work, he writes such thrillers about historic data which sends people into frenzies on whether what he's written is fact or fiction.  I'm not going to weigh into the debate.  What I do like about his book, so far (I haven't finished it yet) is the mentioning of Noetic Science.... I didn't even know that this science existed and yet I work with it almost on a daily basis!  www.noetic.org states that their mission is to advance the science of consciousness and human experience to serve individual and collective transformation.  How fantastic is that!  The book explains that it is about the potential of the human consciousness to transform, heal and read the human information field or conscious blue print of every living thing on this planet.

The second piece of information I received yesterday is the film - The Living Matrix.  I saw about 10 minutes of this at the EFT extravaganza conference I attended a couple of weeks ago and knew I had to see the whole thing.  I can't recommend it highly enough to anyone in the healing/alternative health or even mainstream medicine fields.  It talks about the human morphogenic field which is energetic and which our cells use to determine how to react.  The old Newtonian way of believing that we are machines does not hold true any longer and there is a split in the scientific world now between the old physics and the quantum physics world.  This film shows how you can help yourself and tells you why you shouldn't just trust the current medical model to help you get well.  It's too limited and they work in the dark about why you are unwell in the first place.  Did you also know that it is well known that over 1/3 of medical cures are because of the Placebo effect?  The Placebo effect is where the person's belief that the cure will work actually cures the person.  The film provides one example where a number of arthritic patients were selected to have the same operation on their knees and half of them were only cut open and then closed and yet up to 3 years later they were saying how much better they were and had no further pain.  Nothing had been done to them other than supplying stitches!

Lastly... I subscribe to the Food Matters newsletters and they have released this free 1/2 hour documentary on the Gamo Highlands of the African Rift Valley and the unique worldview held by the people of the region. This isolated area has remained remarkably intact both biologically and culturally. It is one of the most densely populated rural regions of Africa yet its people have been farming sustainably for 10,000 years. It shows how much we have lost in the green industrial revolution since the 1950s.   I also love the fact that they have a spiritual approach to growing their own food and give thanks to the creator and to the mountains.  Watch it here:






 

At last the Science is catching up what some have known for hundreds of years

Today I've been learning a technique called Matrix Reimprinting and it has been totally fascinating. The science behind it is provided by Dr Bruce Lipton.  The information is not new if you look deeper into spiritual practices like Buddhism and the Course in Miracles.

If you're interested in how our health is affected by our environment and beliefs then there are a number of Youtube interviews with Dr Lipton. Here's just one:



Dr Lipton talks about the importance of changing the pre-recorded tape we have going in our minds. He also offers a couple of ways to do this.  Over the last week, I've learnt two other ways.  One is the Matrix Reimprinting technique which uses EFT to change the tape (our unconscious or subconscious mind largely works with pictures) into new empowering pictures and releases the trauma that you may have experienced previously.  After all, it is in the past, why would you want to hold onto it?!  Especially if it is currently providing you with a trigger that brings about a behaviour you'd rather not have or do (such as over eating, anxiety attacks, yelling at the kids etc).

The second process goes towards creating new behaviours by changing our negative way of thinking. The technique is called DreamCatcher.  For one minute a day, you write down what you would have/do/be if you had absolutely not limits on money, time or talent and seems impossible for you to have right now!  The idea is not necessarily to reach for these ideas/items/desires, it's to retrain your mind into a more positive way of thinking.  To stop arguing for your own limitations!  What a wonderful idea that would be...  here's what I put down in one minute..

I'd have my own Panda, Zoo and Nature reserve in Africa.  Be the queen of animals so that I could stand up for their rights and repatriate animals out of captivity.  Be a star in the universe.  Own 10 different houses in all the continents of the planet.  Open my own gallery in NYC full of my art.

So try it... one minute each day... challenge yourself to change your mindset.  Like Dr Lipton says, you need to make it a habit.. so do it for at least 21 days and see the difference.

Sustainable Health Care

If you prefer to put natural substances in your body so that you remain healthy and feel good and yet sometimes, despite trying to do all the right things, still getting sick then your mind body system is not working as efficiently as it could be.

If your plants get sick, you can apply compost, seaweed tea, mulch them, water them, and feed them with organic fertilising solutions. You nurse them back to health or you check the PH of the soil and nurse it back to health for the next planting. When we get sick, many of us are powerless to find out what is wrong quickly to restore the balance to the body so that you flourish again. We're force to go to a doctor or "expert" to help us deal with the symptoms of the problem.

When a body (or plant) is operating at its optimal level, each system, cell and atom is in constant communication with each other at all times. Through exposure to the stresses of day-to-day life, poor nutrition, and over exertion of the body, these lines of communication can become compromised and illness or decline in physical and /or emotional health occurs.

When you get sick and visit the doctor, any prescription of antiviral, antibiotics, anti-inflammatory or worse a cocktail of drugs is being taken in by your body and targeting the problem using a sledge hammer approach – killing more than it needs to and doing harm to the natural order of the mind body system. Taking too much medication ends up weakening our immune systems and making us more prone to more and more illnesses.

If you can imagine an iceberg – Western medicine mainly focuses on the tip of the iceberg (the symptoms and signs of disease) and what’s under the water (the cause) is not uncovered. The result can be years and years of visiting doctors and keeping the pharmaceutical companies stocks increasing. Eastern medicine goes towards looking at areas not widely understood in the western scientific world – the energy centres and meridian pathways which deal with the bodies energy system which govern the complex exchange of messages between organs, endocrines right down to cell level.

Except for such still rare and sometimes invasive applications, (EEG, EKG, PET and MRI scans), Western medicine has produced few treatment modalities to date that take full advantage of the ways the body’s energies can be directed to mediate the complex flow of biological information to restore health.

Natural health systems work with the body and do not rely upon chemicals to kill off bacteria or restore order. Many of these health systems you would know of, they include naturopathy, osteopathy, chiropractic, yoga, acupuncture, and so forth. Some of these systems work more efficiently with your body if used regularly as a proactive (rather than reactive) measure to reduce stress and restore the body to a natural state before it brings on more serious illness. Regular applications of natural alternative methods can help keep the body healthy and more resistant to illnesses.

One of the most elaborately articulated sustainable models, and one that has held up relatively well to Western scientific scrutiny, is the practice of acupuncture. Some western medical schools are now offering Acupuncture as a learning module for new doctors. Acupuncture is not only among the oldest known medical treatments, extending back at least 4,500 years, it is one of the most widely used health care systems on the planet. The World Health Organization lists more than 50 conditions for which it is effective, including psychological problems such as anxiety, depression, and insomnia.

However, many people do not like the idea of someone sticking needles in them and in addition to that issue, it relies upon you seeking the expertise of another person to have the procedure being done to you. What if there is a better way?

A relatively new approach has been formulated by an Australian pioneering man, John Veltheim, and is called The BodyTalk system (http://www.bodytalksystem.com/). BodyTalk is an astonishingly simple and effective holistic therapy that allows the body's energy systems to be re-synchronized so they can operate as nature intended.

BodyTalk is non evasive, does not require any medications or machinery and utilises the body’s natural abilities to heal itself. BodyTalk is considered the missing link between western medicine, eastern medicine and alternative therapies. It encompasses:

• Western medical expertise
• The energy dynamics of acupuncture (without the needles)
• Osteopathic and Chiropractic philosophy
• The clinical findings of applied kinesiology and
• The insights of modern physics and mathematics.

Since 2005, the International BodyTalk Association has been offering a one day course for the layman, on 5 techniques which provide assistance to returning the body to optimal health and increase resilience to illnesses and injuries. Now that’s sustainable health. The course is called BodyTalk Access and is taught in over 39 countries, many of these where access to doctors and medicine is in short supply. In Australia, it’s becoming popular due to the shortage of GPs and or easy access to doctors. In Ben Franklin's words, the phrase "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" goes a long way to describe the good health and balance that can be found with BodyTalk Access as a part of your daily life.

The BodyTalk Access wellness routine helps your body maintain its best energetic balance so that it can maintain good health, thus preventing disease. Being proactive in your health routine is one of the best things you can do for yourself. It's right up there with eating healthfully, getting enough sleep and being physically active.

Each of the 5 techniques are easy to perform and if performed on a daily basis (approximately 10-15 minutes of your time). The course also provides techniques to allow you to respond quickly to any injury to stop the hurting, throbbing or swelling.

BodyTalk works with the premise that we can heal naturally if we address all the issues under the iceberg. Due to the fact that BodyTalk and BodyTalk Access only utilize the natural healing tools already found within us, this is a sustainable personal health practice. There are no medications prescribed or given, the techniques are totally non-invasive and they also do not require any outside tools or resources. BodyTalk Access is good for you and good for our planet!

In addition to being a health tool for you and your family, BodyTalk and BodyTalk access can be used on your animals, land and plants. For more information about BodyTalk and the BodyTalk Access course, please contact vanessa@love2live.com.au or come and listen to her talk at the November CROPO gathering.

Loesje Jacob talks about BodyTalk Access

Is The World as a Result of My Thinking?

Many philosophies point to the world being a result of what our unconscious and conscious mind is experiencing. How can this be? The Course In Miracles (which was written in 1977 by two Psychologists at the Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons in NY city) states that what we deny to be our true self shows up in others, both good and bad. So the person that annoys you the most is really just a reflection of what you dislike about yourself and if you accepted and integrated that part that annoys you, the other person would stop behaving that way. The Hawaiian problem solving approach Ho'oponopono also takes this approach. Carl Jung also points to the same reflection when he talks about that in a therapeutic session, half the treatment consists of the "healer" or therapist's own self examination and that that true healing can only take place if we have an ongoing relationship with our unconscious mind and a willingness to examine ourselves when faced with another's issues or behaviours. Is this true?


Well in my experience it is. If I look at all my relationships, the good and the not so good, the person is displaying a trait, behaviour or approach to life that I either agree/like (the good) or dislike about myself. It can be pretty hard to swallow but it's worth the effort.  Especially when you are in close relationship with the other person, like a child or partner.  They are our mirrors, our teachers and we their students.

Let's take an example. Last year I had a particularly difficult manager who didn't listen to his staff, threw tantrums when he didn't get his way and constantly talked himself up like he was the best thing since sliced cheese. He constantly engaged in aggressive behaviour and fought regularly with two female co-workers. I used to step in an mediate with limited success. I also use to advise him one on one on how to manage the difficult situations he was getting himself into. He seemed to listen but returned to throwing a tantrum or getting aggressive if he didn't get his way. It was like watching a 3 year old! It was also putting a lot of stress on the team, me included.

I'm guessing reading this, you too would dislike the behaviour that I am describing. We've all been told that these behaviours are unacceptable. Aggressiveness, admiring yourself, tantrums, not listening and so forth.

What did I do? I really searched inside for answers... the first question was What did I do in order to attract this boss? (He wasn't the first one of his kind either... he just amplified what I hadn't dealt with yet.) The second question was What part of me had I not accepted in order for this person to display this behaviour? First thing I discovered was that yes, all of the traits and behaviours that this person was displaying I had at one point or another done myself. Here I was pointing the finger at his bad behaviour, when I had done the same things myself. Why was I denying that? Yes!

Third question Was what did I need to learn? Was I willing learn from this and to accept myself despite not liking this behaviour? What is the problem with this behaviour? Isn't there some point in your life when behaving "badly" is actually appropriate? Sometimes it does pay to be aggressive! It tells the other person to back off! If you're in a threatening situation, then being aggressive may just get you out of it quicker and safer than submission. Talking yourself up is also a must! You can't win in a job interview or sell your services without doing so. Focusing on your bad points will not get your that job or client.

The issue with accepting our own behaviour is more about what we have been conditioned to value and not value in behaviours. All the messages we have received growing up from our family, friends and media. You know... in some countries it is very polite to burp after eating, in western society it is not. When we place a value on anything, we place a judgement... a black and white, good or bad and ultimately create an inner conflict which we then beat ourselves up with when we end up crossing over that line.

In family counselling, I have always helped people to understand that between two people there is a hidden mirroring relationship. If the image in one mirror changes then the other has to reflect that change regardless. This means that we should not look to the other person changing their behaviour, if we can look within ourselves and see what it is we need to heal and accept then the other persons behaviour will automatically change... it has to! It works every time... without fail...

So what did I do about the difficult manager? I looked within myself... I accepted that the behaviours he was displaying I also had done in my past. I accepted myself and forgave myself and him. I had compassion for him and I let his behaviour go... and he suddenly stopped behaving badly... it was like the energy within the team changed immediately and within a month he moved on from that position.

That's the last part of the puzzle... the challenging people in your life are here to show you what you haven't resolved in yourself yet... If you want more peace then you need to look for the answers within yourself...not expect the other to change... they can't!  They are reflecting back your stuff!  Get the lesson they are providing you... thank your teacher... bless them... forgive yourself for needing to be taught that lesson... love yourself (yes that is essential) and feel the peace descend upon you.